“Now surely I do see what an immense effect such a doctrine [of the Holy Trinity] must have upon life. It is no mere question for theologians, but one that concerns every living soul. Whatever is allowed by God’s power must be guided by His wisdom and urged on by His love. All that happens to me in life, the little worries and the great anxieties, the crises and the daily annoyances, the sorrows and the joys, the harms that reach me through the sins of others, the great crimes of history, the huge and devastating wars, the partings and loves and the whole cycle of human experience are permitted by Power, which is itself wise and loving. These three Persons determine my life, and, since I walk by faith, I must surely grow very patient in my attitude toward life. For how can I complain or criticize God’s Providence, since it all comes under that triple influence of Power, Wisdom, and Love? Under the guidance, then, of this mystery, I can walk through the valley of death or the more perilous borders of sin without loss of courage or hopefulness. Nothing can make me afraid. How these are separate, yet one, I do not know, nor can I reconcile in my concrete experience the claims of each. It is always a mystery, but a mystery in which I believe. Whatever Power allows on earth is designed in Wisdom and attuned by Love.”
— Fr. Bede Jarrett
Over the last four years I have learned the truth expressed in the above quote. After spending forty years of my life as a pastor, I was simply discarded. I wondered how God could allow this. Why would God not strike down those who mistreated me so?
But, in the end, after a failed suicide attempt, I can to realize that I was asking all the wrong questions from the wrong perspective and the wrong attitude. I had let the enemy lead me to believe that I was the one who had been wronged when in fact it was God. God had to watch what I went through. God had to watch me allowing myself to be deceived. God felt all my doubts, fears, hurts, sorrow and suffering with the understanding of how foolish and ignorant of His love that I was.
This world is not fair. It is a world under a curse. It is a world hateful of humanity for what we have done, what we are doing, and what we will continue to do. It is a world in which horrible and atrocious things occur ever day. It is a world lacking in compassion. However, within this world there is a God who understands, a God who works through others to bring good out of bad, to bring light into darkness, and give grace and mercy where it is needed most.
My life is still a struggle. I am still called of God to be his servant and I am more than willing to respond no matter what the obstacles are. I have been given new life, a renewed hope, and continuous consolations that give me happiness and joy. My personal, universal, wonderful, divine Trinity of Three that is One loves me and in the end will make it all good. For this reason I can help others understand as I myself proclaim, ‘All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well.’ Julian of Norwich.