I am faced with a decision. I have come to a fork in the road of life in which the decision I make will have a profound effect not only on me and my wife but the lives of other people as well. Both decisions have the possibility for me to do good. Either decision will likely make my life better. How can I know which road to take?
I have helped other people find their way in such situations. I know the process of discerning of spirits. I also know that the evil one can put temptations and indecision in our way to keep us from making the decision that would be most honoring to God. Normally, I would make an appointment to visit with my spiritual director to help me in this process. However, currently in my life, I am in the process of looking for a new spiritual director. I do not want to make a decision that is less than what God wills for me.
So how will I go about making the right decision? As I am writing this, my alarm went off reminding me it was time for my morning examen prayer. As I prayed, I felt the peace that comes (consolation) when I am heading in the right direction. So, I will seek first and foremost to be indifferent toward the decision I need to make. I do not want to allow the enemy to deceive me with false consolation or to play on my ego or fears.
By “being indifferent” I do not mean I don’t care about what I face. On the contrary I care very much. To be indifferent when seeking the will of God means to be indifferent toward what I might want and to face the choices with the mindset of “not my will but your will my Lord.” In seeking to remove my own preference from the equation I can be more open to the leading of the Holy Spirit. I am fortunate in that my wife is also a trained, certified spiritual director who can keep me in the process. I also have some trusted friends whom I can approach and who will give me honest responses.
However, while the methodical process, the opportunity for honest counsel, and my desire to be indifferent will be helpful, nothing can take the place of prayer. I understand I will need to take this to God in contemplation and in meditation. I have confidence the Holy Spirit will provide insight into the choice I should make. It is good to trust in the Lord.